What a paradox we humans are, Gentle Reader.

I hate final goodbyes of any stripe and will do almost anything to avoid them. I didn’t have enough guts to tell my horse Coqui goodbye when we sold her before moving. I have actually finished hardly any books by James Michener, one of my favorite authors. I just kind of peter out about 20 or 30 pages from the end. I am the girl who always stays back at the house to set up the luncheon when everyone else goes to the funeral.

Maybe it’s a kind of magical thinking. I can pretend to myself that I own the horse, have more of the book to read, and my loved one is just away, and will return.

But I hate, hate, hate, loose threads, messy conclusions and uncertainty.

If it’s “open to interpretation,” it bugs me. Ambiguity makes me itch, and get out of here with your uncertainty.

All of this means unsolved mysteries feel like a personal punishment.

But there is hope. We have to wait, but every single unsolved mystery will be solved. Each and every story that ends in a question mark will be explained.

All will be revealed at the library at the end of the world. In our information packets when we die will be directions to the library. And Dewey is there along with his decimal system, just like every other library in our own realm.

005.76 Computer science: The answer to why when you fix a problem with a computer, or do a function you’ve been trying to do, you can’t remember what combination of things you did that worked.

020, Libraries and library science: Is there really enough stuff about libraries to have its own category, or is it a gimme ’cause the whole Dewey thing is a library construct? And how meta is a library section in a library organizing structure.

030, Encyclopedias: Are encyclopedias actually still a thing?

040, Unassigned, formerly biographies: Wait, what happened to biographies, and why was this space not good enough for them?

What subject is important enough to become?

050, Serials, Journals, and Magazines: Why was Mad Magazine canceled? Why is British Cosmo so much more grown up than the simpering, looks-centric American version?

060, Associations, organizations, and museums: Is this where a person goes when you tell them to join the club? Is every organization, even the Price Club, AAA, and The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists (a real club) represented?

070, News media, journalism, and publishing: Are guys that wear footie pajamas and live in their mothers’ basements who write crazy conspiracy theories and bald-faced lies on their computers included in here? And if so, why, for crying out loud?

110, Metaphysics: What the heck is metaphysics?

200, Religion: Why is it that Christianity gets nine full sections and every other religion in the world is lumped together in the insultingly, Christion-centric label of “Other Religions”?

360, Social problems and social services: Does everybody think the word “penal” is hilarious, or is it just me?

370, Education: Why isn’t this the place that addresses the evil plot of student loans and the financial enslavement of an entire generation? Is this why the topic of “Ethical Education” is no longer included?

510, Mathematics: Why is it just reading this topic makes me want to put a straw in a bottle of bourbon?

580, Plants: 583 Magnoliopsida (Dicotyledones), 584 Liliopsida (Monocotyledones), 585 Pinophyta (Gymnosperms), 586 Cryptogamia, 587 Pteridophyta, 588 Bryophyta — Huh?

Class 700 — Arts and recreation: Why is reality TV and social media nowhere to be found?

Thanks for your time.

Contact me at bullcity.mom.